Oh boy.....

I have been in Voinjama for four days now and I will be honest, it has been quite the adjustment of which I am still in the process. Liberia is intense. I keep trying to rationalize and reason myself with it but at the same time it is as if I can’t put a finger on it. During the drive on Sunday the weight of my decision started to hit me. After three hours on semi-paved roads, we made a turn onto a narrow gravel road which would take us the remaining five hours. Here, Steve (the VIA country director), turned around to me and said “this will be your nearest hospital- just remember it will take you five hours to get here.” (The International Red Cross is actually just down the road from the VIA compound, but there are only two doctors for the entire district.) We would continue our conversation throughout the trip, but all I did was accumulate a list of “Don’t”s: Don’t drink the water. Don’t walk around at night. Don’t go to the police if you have a problem. Don’t get into a helicopter crash. Don’t leave your door unlocked. Don’t get sick. Don’t die. And on and on and on. And as he is telling me these stories of how he came upon an accident once while driving back and he saw a little girl lying on the side of the road with her head split open and how just yesterday one of our field officer’s sons was hit by a car and killed and how just the other day a truck full of people and cement tipped over and 27 were killed and how during the war these very people we were passing on the road were forced into the bush (as if they weren’t already in it) and watched their children starve to death as they were forced to eat stray dogs, my stomach began to sank and reality began to set in. I am not in Kansas anymore.

I thought that I was prepared for this- I thought my experience in Uganda would prepare me for anything. But this is an entirely different ballgame. Post-conflict development is tricky, the people are traumatized, the infrastructure and economy are destroyed, and the people are completely dependent. The idea of sustainability is a foreign concept. What captured my heart about Africa were the people and the smiles and zeal for life. Here, that zeal has been squelched. I’m not saying that the people aren’t friendly (I am really enjoying getting to know my coworkers and look forward to getting to know the farmers) but there is an intensity about them that almost scares me. Each and every one has a story, and probably a horrendous one at that. Since I have been here I have met some of the other ex-pats in the community- the majority of them are working in the medical field (particularly mental health) and crisis management. While at dinner the other night one of the mental health clinicians was telling me some of the atrocities that the people of Voinjama and Liberia have suffered. Horrible things like gang rape, forcing a parent to choose which of their children would live and then killing them both anyway, the rape of little girls and little boys, parents being forced to watch, children being forced to watch, and the list just goes on. I watch the news, I read books, I know these things have happened throughout history, but I guess I have never seen their faces or actually met the victims. But now, everywhere I turn, I can’t help but wonder: what is their story?

Driving and getting out hasn’t been helping much. One of things about Uganda that I cherish so deeply is when I to go outside the atmosphere exudes vitality. Here, I am constantly faced with a UN checkpoint, a bullet-ridden building, or a “Welcome” sign that was obviously used for target practice. When I go outside and walk down the road I am greeted by the Pakistani Battalion UN Mission Force (the Pak Batt as they’re known around here) and their barbed wire fences, watchtowers, and tanks. I can’t imagine why they would possibly need a tank, even if Guinea (15 km away) is on the verge of a coup, but anyway. So while I am “safe” I am by no means at ease.

So, I am struggling but I am willing to give it a fair shot. We’ll see how things work out and if nothing else then I feel that I have already learned a great deal. But with the negative there is also positive and that is something in which I keep trying to remind myself.

The internet is practically nonexistent here and so I am fortunate to be able to post this while visiting another NGO. While my posts may be a little few and far between I will do my best to keep them coming. There is so much I have yet to write (my work, the house, my new roommate, etc.) but I guess those will just have to wait for another day. Thank you to all of you who have kept me in your thoughts and prayers- I treasure your emails and words of encouragement.